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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Confessions of an Aspiring Writer

When I was cleaning some stuff out of my parents house not too long ago, I dug up a big stack of notebooks, papers, and diaries I had written in my childhood. Wow. I really wrote some... interesting stuff. In the interest of poking fun at myself and introducing you to the person who would someday become me, I give you... a random sample of my writing as a teenager.

The Newest Fad: Drinking Blood

It's been scientifically proven that blood is essential to your health. 99% of the two scientists and one gym teacher we asked agreed with us.

We asked our expert on circulation, the postmaster general, what he though. "People should get more blood," he said. "I deliver magazines that talk about people who drink blood and have cancer cured."

We next interviewed another expert on blood, a guy who studies vampire bats. When asked about humans drinking blood, he offered us this advice: "If bats drink blood, why shouldn't humans? It keeps your iron level up and helps fight disease."

We asked an extensive amount of people, and they all agreed. Drinking blood is the new way to stay healthy.

Through some serious forensic evidence, I have deduced that I wrote the above piece my freshman year of high school and I have a vague memory it was for a class assignment. I seem to recall that the project involved a picture of the Pope smoking a joint. That is all.


Trish said...

Oh I love it!! I have some poems and such that I wrote in high school, but it would be fun to find something like this. I especially like the part about 99% out of the three people you asked. Priceless.

Susan said...

Postmaster of circulation! good one! you've always obviously had a great sense of humour, Kim!! lol

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Anonymous said...

I remember writing something lile this too. I piece I remember copying was how a chewing gum is made :)

Literary Feline said...

It's so fun to go back and read what we wrote when we were younger--and kind of scary sometimes. LOL

Nymeth said...

Oh man...I'm scared to dig up the stuff I used to write :P

I like yours, though!